I have been hesitant to write another update because of all the up's and down's in the past month. I think we really like to be able to package things up when we tell a story and give a good ending, or at least a concrete one. Well, it's been anything but that for several weeks, and right now I can't do much but pray, and ask for the same thing from my friends. Some hurdles we all knew would come and we braced for them as best we could. And then sometimes a hurdle just blindsides you...
I had finally gotten strong enough to start PT, and though I was complaining of how slow it was going and the pain I still live with, I was very happy to be given a task to help myself get stronger again. I started going on longer walks again, helping out with small tasks on the farm here, and even cooking a lot of meals! We all determined in the house that when my cooking came back it would be a great sign of progress, and it surely was. But then came the unexpected. This is where I can't tie up the package and give you final answers. I started experiencing worsening symptoms again, and my legs have steadily become pretty weak. Never really a good sign after a spine surgery. So we have done one round of MRI's and saw my doc, and though the surgery he just did technically looks good, I might have another problem on my hands. The level that I initially injured in my accident many years ago has remained stable enough until now. With my spine in the new position it is, it doesn't seem to be holding up any more. So I will undergo several more scans to confirm or deny my doc's hunch at this point. If his hunch is correct, he will be forced to go back in and fuse that level. If the scans are negative, then we have to go deep sea diving into a whole other realm of possible systemic neurological problems.
It's hard to know what to pray for given my options. And I am not going to lie, it is hard to count blessings in such a time as this. But maybe this time is the most important time to count and thank the Lord for blessings. It is a balance we all live, trying to mourn the hard things and thank the Lord for what we have. And what I do have is His love, families (yes, not just my own but several adopted ones on this side of the ocean) and communities that care for me so well. So I guess my prayer is for strength to find joy each day and not despair, and for great wisdom as the doc's and I keep searching for answers. I hope this road will just give us all even more reason for joy when I finally get to tell you about the strong and capable body I one day, Lord willing, will have again.
