Well I think, no, I know, the Lord hears the prayers of His children all over the world. It has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster this last month and whenever I thought about updating everyone, I didn't quite know what to say. But the beautiful thing about it has been the perfect timing of well timed help whenever there was a new thing to overcome. Hard times are hard, but hard times must just be impossible for people who have no hope.
So I have been MRI'd (made that word up :) from head to toe and the wonderful news is my Doc says everything looks good! They were concerned that another surgery was inevitable if another level in my spine was unstable, but that surprisingly was not the case and he feels no need to do anything more at this time. I was so relieved to know I wasn't facing another surgery anytime soon. I am an awful patient when it comes to my body and drugs. The hard part about this news was the flip side. This then meant he didn't know why I had such severe leg weakness. It's just unnerving to have doctors tell you they've got no idea. He was convinced something else was going on and thought I should take a trip to the Mayo Clinic... we talked and talked and eventually decided to see a local neurologist first. But I left feeling uneasy even about that decision. I've watched several patients in this situation. Doctors warn them of all the diseases they might have and the patient continues to decline thinking they have some awful disease they'll have to live with. So I had some discussions with some of my family and we chose a different course all together. I'm taking a break. History tells our story and must always be remembered. This is not the first time I've had these problems, and though the Doc's back then couldn't "see" the problem, they finally came to the most likely conclusion to what happened to my spinal cord after my initial injury. And here I am, once again with doctors fairly confused by what they were seeing. I struggled to believe that this time around, after having a major neck surgery, that I had brain cancer... just wasn't adding up. So this patient is taking a mental health break. No more doctors and no more tests. We're going to let this body God's created do some healing on its own.
And here's the great thing. The next week after making that decision I started applying for jobs and making plans for my future. I didn't get any worse. The next week I left to go see some of my family and I felt even better. And I'm still traveling and watching my body get stronger each week. I'm not there yet, but I'm making my way. God is good. He was good in the midst of the awful weeks and He's good when I get to praise Him this week.
Many many thank you's to each of you who have prayed and encouraged me along the way. This very self-reliant, strong and independent girl had to learn some hard lessons and I've got the most amazing people helping me along the way.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
An Unexpected Hurdle
I have been hesitant to write another update because of all the up's and down's in the past month. I think we really like to be able to package things up when we tell a story and give a good ending, or at least a concrete one. Well, it's been anything but that for several weeks, and right now I can't do much but pray, and ask for the same thing from my friends. Some hurdles we all knew would come and we braced for them as best we could. And then sometimes a hurdle just blindsides you...
I had finally gotten strong enough to start PT, and though I was complaining of how slow it was going and the pain I still live with, I was very happy to be given a task to help myself get stronger again. I started going on longer walks again, helping out with small tasks on the farm here, and even cooking a lot of meals! We all determined in the house that when my cooking came back it would be a great sign of progress, and it surely was. But then came the unexpected. This is where I can't tie up the package and give you final answers. I started experiencing worsening symptoms again, and my legs have steadily become pretty weak. Never really a good sign after a spine surgery. So we have done one round of MRI's and saw my doc, and though the surgery he just did technically looks good, I might have another problem on my hands. The level that I initially injured in my accident many years ago has remained stable enough until now. With my spine in the new position it is, it doesn't seem to be holding up any more. So I will undergo several more scans to confirm or deny my doc's hunch at this point. If his hunch is correct, he will be forced to go back in and fuse that level. If the scans are negative, then we have to go deep sea diving into a whole other realm of possible systemic neurological problems.
It's hard to know what to pray for given my options. And I am not going to lie, it is hard to count blessings in such a time as this. But maybe this time is the most important time to count and thank the Lord for blessings. It is a balance we all live, trying to mourn the hard things and thank the Lord for what we have. And what I do have is His love, families (yes, not just my own but several adopted ones on this side of the ocean) and communities that care for me so well. So I guess my prayer is for strength to find joy each day and not despair, and for great wisdom as the doc's and I keep searching for answers. I hope this road will just give us all even more reason for joy when I finally get to tell you about the strong and capable body I one day, Lord willing, will have again.
I had finally gotten strong enough to start PT, and though I was complaining of how slow it was going and the pain I still live with, I was very happy to be given a task to help myself get stronger again. I started going on longer walks again, helping out with small tasks on the farm here, and even cooking a lot of meals! We all determined in the house that when my cooking came back it would be a great sign of progress, and it surely was. But then came the unexpected. This is where I can't tie up the package and give you final answers. I started experiencing worsening symptoms again, and my legs have steadily become pretty weak. Never really a good sign after a spine surgery. So we have done one round of MRI's and saw my doc, and though the surgery he just did technically looks good, I might have another problem on my hands. The level that I initially injured in my accident many years ago has remained stable enough until now. With my spine in the new position it is, it doesn't seem to be holding up any more. So I will undergo several more scans to confirm or deny my doc's hunch at this point. If his hunch is correct, he will be forced to go back in and fuse that level. If the scans are negative, then we have to go deep sea diving into a whole other realm of possible systemic neurological problems.
It's hard to know what to pray for given my options. And I am not going to lie, it is hard to count blessings in such a time as this. But maybe this time is the most important time to count and thank the Lord for blessings. It is a balance we all live, trying to mourn the hard things and thank the Lord for what we have. And what I do have is His love, families (yes, not just my own but several adopted ones on this side of the ocean) and communities that care for me so well. So I guess my prayer is for strength to find joy each day and not despair, and for great wisdom as the doc's and I keep searching for answers. I hope this road will just give us all even more reason for joy when I finally get to tell you about the strong and capable body I one day, Lord willing, will have again.
Friday, July 26, 2013
I'll See You Next Week
This is how Doc and I say goodbye each week. I can't believe I'm on my 7th week. I think I mostly am in denial because I had pictured in my mind before any of this happened where I would be by the 7th week post-op, and I'm not anywhere close. Surgery is hard but recovery is long and arduous. For a girl who likes to work and use her mind, it is torture some days. But if I remember to keep life in perspective, this too will pass. I hope to be able to tell my Doc soon, see you next month!
So the update is I am getting stronger overall, but my nerve palsy in my shoulders and arms is not improving quickly enough. I keep hearing different numbers as to when I should see my strength return, this week it was 3-6 months. That was disappointing to hear but I was happy to be given permission to start taking this neck collar off once and a while to let my neck muscles start working again. So, I can happily tan in the sun without weird tan lines now and walk around the house with what feels like a very skinny neck!
The other important news we discovered from the CT scan that I had mentioned a few weeks ago is the surgery site that my Doc had opened had partially closed, which was not good news. If it fully closes we have to do it all over again but as of now, it isn't enough to do anything about, but enough to keep a close eye on. So we are continuing to pray that God would open up my vertebrae and I would fully heal one day.
I'll keep this post short. Thank you for all your encouragements and for your many prayers.
So the update is I am getting stronger overall, but my nerve palsy in my shoulders and arms is not improving quickly enough. I keep hearing different numbers as to when I should see my strength return, this week it was 3-6 months. That was disappointing to hear but I was happy to be given permission to start taking this neck collar off once and a while to let my neck muscles start working again. So, I can happily tan in the sun without weird tan lines now and walk around the house with what feels like a very skinny neck!
The other important news we discovered from the CT scan that I had mentioned a few weeks ago is the surgery site that my Doc had opened had partially closed, which was not good news. If it fully closes we have to do it all over again but as of now, it isn't enough to do anything about, but enough to keep a close eye on. So we are continuing to pray that God would open up my vertebrae and I would fully heal one day.
I'll keep this post short. Thank you for all your encouragements and for your many prayers.
Friday, July 5, 2013
3 Weeks and Counting!
I've made it 3 1/2 weeks!! What a journey...
It literally has taken an army of people to help with my recovery, but the good news is I am slowly recovering, though not without some set backs. My surgeon likes his handiwork. That's a huge answer to prayer right there. In his words, when he opened up all the vertebrae (technically speaking the laminae) in my neck, he said my spinal cord starting rising like a loaf of bread because it was so squished in there! It's a wonder why I wasn't up and jumping for joy the next day :) But obviously with everything they did in there, it was a very slow process to get me back on my feet. Surgically speaking it was a great success. Unfortunately, I am just so stinkin' sensitive to drugs that I was left just sick as ever for a few weeks. My whole medical team in the hospital were pulling out the stops to try to prevent all the side effects, but my body would not listen. But I eventually got it under control and left the hospital 3 days later. Shout out to some awesome RN's! I was very humbled and learned so much being in the bed and not beside it!
And now 3 1/2 weeks later, it seems like an eternity of time has gone by with all the hoops and mountains we have encountered. One week after surgery I was still vomiting so much that I became severely dehydrated... I won't go in to details but thank goodness my mum was watching me close and I was living in the home of a doctor! So after that drama, we took one day at a time and I progressed the next week.
Week 2, I went in for my first follow-up and my Doc was really happy with how well my arms were already improving in strength and normal nerve function! The only problem was I have had significant C5 nerve palsy since the surgery which apparently can happen after this kind of surgery. This basically means I have barely any strength in my shoulders at the moment. This is thankfully typically transient, but to speed up the process I was once again put on more drugs and once again my stomach rejected all notions.
So Week 3 was another sick week, but we all hoped the drugs would at least do their purposeful job. Unfortunately when I was back for week 3 follow-up, not only had my shoulders not improved significantly, but my R arm especially had digressed quite a bit. Doc was not impressed and slightly nervous I had undone his handiwork with all my vomiting. So I have a CT scan this coming Monday and go in for what is becoming my weekly date with my Doc on Tuesday to make sure all is as it should be in the surgical site.
This would be my prayer for the moment. That God would continue to heal my body and open my laminae so we don't have to go back and fix anything. And in the mean time, prayers for peace and joy while I try to patiently recuperate. The neck pain is still significant so trying to wean myself off of drugs while still maintaining some quality of life.
I am in this neck collar for another 3 weeks. It's a very hot neck warmer in the summer! But without it, I struggle to hold my head up for longer than a few minutes! So I'll start PT once I'm out of it to strengthen all those muscles that everyone takes for granted to hold their head up! So that being said, I'm working on slowly gaining my independence again but realistically, it's slow going. The joke around the house is they'll know I'm really better when I start making the recipes I keep suggesting "We" make!
Hope this update finds the rest of you having a wonderful summer and hopefully some well-deserved rest. I am at least getting a lot of that :)
It literally has taken an army of people to help with my recovery, but the good news is I am slowly recovering, though not without some set backs. My surgeon likes his handiwork. That's a huge answer to prayer right there. In his words, when he opened up all the vertebrae (technically speaking the laminae) in my neck, he said my spinal cord starting rising like a loaf of bread because it was so squished in there! It's a wonder why I wasn't up and jumping for joy the next day :) But obviously with everything they did in there, it was a very slow process to get me back on my feet. Surgically speaking it was a great success. Unfortunately, I am just so stinkin' sensitive to drugs that I was left just sick as ever for a few weeks. My whole medical team in the hospital were pulling out the stops to try to prevent all the side effects, but my body would not listen. But I eventually got it under control and left the hospital 3 days later. Shout out to some awesome RN's! I was very humbled and learned so much being in the bed and not beside it!
And now 3 1/2 weeks later, it seems like an eternity of time has gone by with all the hoops and mountains we have encountered. One week after surgery I was still vomiting so much that I became severely dehydrated... I won't go in to details but thank goodness my mum was watching me close and I was living in the home of a doctor! So after that drama, we took one day at a time and I progressed the next week.
Week 2, I went in for my first follow-up and my Doc was really happy with how well my arms were already improving in strength and normal nerve function! The only problem was I have had significant C5 nerve palsy since the surgery which apparently can happen after this kind of surgery. This basically means I have barely any strength in my shoulders at the moment. This is thankfully typically transient, but to speed up the process I was once again put on more drugs and once again my stomach rejected all notions.
So Week 3 was another sick week, but we all hoped the drugs would at least do their purposeful job. Unfortunately when I was back for week 3 follow-up, not only had my shoulders not improved significantly, but my R arm especially had digressed quite a bit. Doc was not impressed and slightly nervous I had undone his handiwork with all my vomiting. So I have a CT scan this coming Monday and go in for what is becoming my weekly date with my Doc on Tuesday to make sure all is as it should be in the surgical site.
This would be my prayer for the moment. That God would continue to heal my body and open my laminae so we don't have to go back and fix anything. And in the mean time, prayers for peace and joy while I try to patiently recuperate. The neck pain is still significant so trying to wean myself off of drugs while still maintaining some quality of life.
I am in this neck collar for another 3 weeks. It's a very hot neck warmer in the summer! But without it, I struggle to hold my head up for longer than a few minutes! So I'll start PT once I'm out of it to strengthen all those muscles that everyone takes for granted to hold their head up! So that being said, I'm working on slowly gaining my independence again but realistically, it's slow going. The joke around the house is they'll know I'm really better when I start making the recipes I keep suggesting "We" make!
Hope this update finds the rest of you having a wonderful summer and hopefully some well-deserved rest. I am at least getting a lot of that :)
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